Best Friends

I miss having a best friend. I had one for the last 4 years of grade school,Vickie Grimm. She was three years older than me, so when she became a teenager and moved, then I moved, and we drifted apart. I had another one for the three years of junior high, Kathy Midkiff. She was a talented artist. I still have an ink drawing she made for me of Mr. Spock. But when we got to high school, we lost each other. In the last three years of high school, my best friend was Ava Nietsche (I'm sure I'm misspelling her last name). But we both started different colleges, and she got married after one semester, and I never heard from her again.

In college I hung with a constantly shifting group of girls. Some of us kept in touch by a round robin letter for a few years after college, then it stopped coming. I stayed in touch with two of them, Rosie Lindbergh and Naomi Berggren. They both got married and I didn't. I still hear from and visit with Naomi now and then. When Rosie got married she dropped me because I wasn't married and she and her husband (evidently joined at the hip) wanted to do everything as a couple. Later she dropped Naomi too, because she and her husband decided not to have kids, and after Rosie had her first she could only be friends with married couples with children, because she wanted to do everything as a family. Neither of us have heard from her since.

My best friend Mary lived with my parents and me for a while. Then she went away to school, got married, and moved away. Neither of us has money for long distance phone calls. She doesn't write letters and doesn't have a computer, so there's no way to keep in touch. I had a best friend named Diane for a while, but she moved to Colorado and I moved elsewhere, and we rarely communicate these days. In El Paso I had a best friend named Lee, but after I moved away, it didn't last long. I don't think it would have lasted much longer anyway because our values had gotten so different.

My last best friend would still like to be, but she hates my husband. I miss her, but I can't be around her because of this. I won't have anyone driving a wedge between us, no matter how good intentioned.

So, currently I'm lacking for a female best friend. My husband could use a male best friend too. No matter how good a marriage is, no one person can be everything to another one. You gotta have friends. I wish there was a match.com or harmony.com for friendship.

The Angst of Aging

They say your 40s are the old age of your youth, and your 50s are the youth of your old age. I'm 57, and all I can think is, "Holy crap, it's going to get worse."

My mother, age 86, has survived the following in the last 10 years: Pneumonia, a partial hip replacement, numerous broken teeth (she now has a partial plate), and macular degeneration. Slightly before that, she survived a bowel obstruction requiring surgery.

Old age is not for sissies.

Someone once told me, "After 40 it's patch, patch, patch." I'd agree. In my 40s I got bifocals (I've always worn glasses), had my first hearing test revealing that my hearing was fading, and got the first 2 crowns on my teeth. Now I've got trifocals, 4 crowns, and am shopping for hearing aids.

My hair, which has always been very thick, began to go white in my 20s. Now it's gotten very thin, and my hairline, always high, has gotten even higher. So now, rather than wearing my hair long and off my face, which I've always preferred, I have to wear the curly mop short with bangs. Looks cute, feels weird. My neck took 2 winters to adjust to being out in the cold. I have a new appreciation for knitted scarves.

The memory loss is the worst. I've always been absent-minded, but now I'm so forgetful I'm beginning to scare myself. Twice in the last month, I've driven off without my purse. I have never done that before in my life.

My husband and I joke that we'll be sitting in the old folks' home not recognizing each other, but still flirting. This could happen.

Lesson learned

On my quest to self-publish, I have just learned a very valuable lesson. When hiring someone for cover art, ASK TO SEE SAMPLES FIRST. Just because someone works as a graphic designer (!) and his mother-in-law (a distant relative of mine) says he's good, means nothing.

I asked him for a picture of a pretty, slender, short-haired 16-year-old girl with wings. Even told him her hair and wings are gold, and her skin is Anglo tanned. I had done a couple of sketches (probably should have sent them to him) but the best you can say of my art is that I'm a decent amateur.

What I get is a gray-faced robot with a cape. I am not kidding. The skin on this creature was gray. Its flat yellow hair was in a pony tail. The torso was a featureless rectangle, the arms and legs rigid cylinders. The wings looked like a cape - there were no feathers, and absolutely zero understanding of the structure of a wing.

I thought it over for a few days - he wanted to be told what I wanted to change, and I couldn't think of a polite way to say "Everything." So I told him (having said earlier that my husband was in charge of the budget and would have to clear the $100 we'd agreed on) that my husband didn't think the art was worth a hundred, and I was sorry to say I agreed.

I never heard from the guy again. However, his mother-in-law (my mother's cousin, I don't know if that's once removed or what) Facebooked me that it was a shame I hadn't asked for samples first, so he wouldn't have wasted his time. I should have let it drop, but was so completely apalled by this dreadful, amateurish piece of art that I replied, "Didn't look like he wasted much time. I drew better than that when I was twelve." Well, she got angry - can't really blame her. I think she's unfriended me. I don't really care - I've only seen her a handful of times in my life and would be hard-pressed to pick her out of a crowd.

The moral of this tale is: When commissioning art, even if it's from friends or family, ask for samples first so you know if you're offering your hard-earned money for something you could do better yourself. And actually, better not to commission friends or family, or anyone you'll have to see again, because if you have to fire them, it'll ruin the relationship.

Gee, I wish I could draw

Well, the cover art is going to be a holdup. I'm checking around all my assorted artistic relatives for starters, and I have plenty. The frustration I've always had with art is that I can see the picture in my head very clearly, but lack the ability to get it onto paper. And the cover is the primary advertising tool, so it can't look amateurish. I have an uncle, a couple of cousins, a niece, and a few friends who might be able to help. But oh, I wish I could do my own!

Blasted printers

My husband printed out my novel for the editor. Would you believe we went through an entire new black cartridge, and then had to switch to blue? Eighteen bucks, and it wouldn't even print 350 pages! Highway robbery!

Little by little

Well, I've priced local editing services - yikes! Luckily I've got a network of local writers who also do editing, and one will give my stuff a look-see for free. I'll take advantage of that while I can. Phoenix Hatching is now in her hands. I've polished it to my best ability. Basically I just wanted a fresh pair of eyes to go over it and catch anything I missed. You can't proof your own work, you think it says what you wanted it to say. She can also check for any plot inconsistencies and other problems. While she's doing that, I'm checking into options for cover art. Here's an advantage over traditional publishing: you get to pick your cover art. You don't have to have Generic Chick in short top, tramp stamp, and sword. You can actually have someone who looks like the character.

After my editor's done, and I have the cover art chosen, then Phoenix Hatching will come out on Kindle. It's science fiction, set on Earth about 1000 years after the human race has become extinct. From underground labs, a race of beings called Mutas are beginning their own civilization. One of these is a 17-year old girl named Hallia. Abused by her own people, she exiles herself and is rescued by a scouting party from another group. As they travel across the deserted country, Hallia develops from a waif into a warrior. And she'll be needed once the group returns to its home.

Here goes nothing

Actually, I hope that it all comes to a lot more than nothing. I've had enough of form rejection slips, query packets that come back unread because I used didn't use the font the editor prefers or put two spaces after a period, or had a 5-page synopsis instead of a 4-page. I am going to self-publish through Amazon.com, first in Kindle editions and then in print-on-demand, if possible.

To make a success of self-publishing, one has to put out a good product, and has to promote the bejeezus out of it, because no one else will. You can't just let it sit.

To that end, I'm going to be logging the process on my blog (poor neglected blog) and getting some cards printed up with the cover of this novel, once it's selected. I'm going to have it edited, so a fresh pair of eyes can maybe catch what I've missed. I want to work with an artist to design the cover. This will be one thing better than traditional publishing. Those authors have zero say over what the cover looks like.

So, watch this space. I'm going to blog the entire process. That will either inspire other writers, or serve as valuable lesson to other fools, whichever. The book in question is Phoenix Hatching, a science-fiction novel. I wrote the original version a very long time ago.