(Written by Marla after she came home on 3/16/18)

"3/19/18

    3/   /18

     Random thoughts from a dying old woman.  Not as old as I thought I'd get, but okay.  Play the hand you're dealt.  Nothing profound, either.

     People, be nice to old folks.  Seriously.  You have no idea what they have to deal with.  Pain and pain meds, a failing body that won't do what you need - for example, I want to see today's date.  I can't just get up from my chair, swing around, and look.  I have to plan it.  Getting up, takes 3 times before I can if not more.  Then checking the air hose.  Then hobbling weakly over to the calendar.  Looking, then reversing the process.  Takes 5 minutes.  Used to take seconds.  Have to be aware of where my feet are all the time.

     Bathroom?  Even just #1?  10-15 minutes at least.  And now I need help!  It's humiliating.  Even if you're more mobile than I am and able to ambulate more easily, it's hard.

     I came out of the bedroom on my own and that took a good 15 minutes.

     What I came out for was this notebook (I remember this. I found the notebook for her.).  Just to write a stupid ditty that came into my head while I sat looking at my pillow with Castiel's face on it (a character from 'Supernatural'; a good friend had made the pillow for Marla.  Marla never did remember the ditty after coming out of the bedroom.).

     Not even an hour upright and I long to lie down again!

     And like anyone will read a single word I've written.  Basically spent my life on essentially mental masturbation.  People keep telling me I've touched their lives.  God, I hope so!  I feel like I've spent it just enjoying myself and not accomplishing anything.

     Guess I'll go lie down.  More later, I hope.  Want to blog this - can't even touch type anymore.  Left arm won't cooperate.  (Marla lost the use of her left arm as the cancer pressed down on nerves, rendering them useless.)

     It pisses old people off that we can't do what we used to take for granted.  That's why we're cranky.  Not everyone who's feeble-bodied is also feeble-minded.  And your mind comes and goes - sometimes we really are feeble-minded!  Sometimes not."

     (Marla then wrote some personal messages, which have been passed on.)