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Thursday, November 23, 2017

Thanksgiving

This is my second Thanksgiving without my Mom or my husband, and my first after cancer surgery. Last year I made myself turkey and dressing, sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes, and had olives and candied beets. Pumpkin AND pecan pie for dessert, though I didn't eat them at the same time. I watched some movies, and was perfectly content.

This year, due to a tumor on my tongue requiring the removal of most of said tongue, I can't even eat. Today I feel lonely and bored, and can't seem to snap myself out of it. I had offers to join others' celebrations, but that would have made me feel worse.

Plus, the side of my neck and shoulder where they took the lymph nodes out is extremely painful, even through the pain meds. I'm going for a massage as soon as I can. Meantime, even though I've got a hundred things I'd like to do, I can't do much but lie around the house. TV distracts me a bit, but I have trouble concentrating on even that through this pain.

Trying to come up with some things I'm thankful for: friends, my cats, my home, that the disability came through. The fact that I got 10 novels self-published before this crap hit me. The hope that the pain can be solved and I can write some more, and do some things. I always looked forward to retirement, wanting to resurrect some hobbies and interests I didn't have time to pursue while working. I never counted on being in so much pain I couldn't do them. Or not being able to eat. Now I've got time to really cook, and a nice kitchen, and no reason at all to cook. Unless I find some recipes for cat food!

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