I know it’s the holidays, that’s got to be it. Just something broke the camel’s back tonight. Tried to make myself do a little outside decorating at least. Tried to drive some nails into the outside walls and couldn’t. Dropped 3 times what I got in, gave up.
When I get home every single day, Kira (a cat) starts screaming at me. So I put out the food. The cats mob me while I’m doing it then don’t eat it. Then Kira starts screaming at me to sit down so she can sit on me, and God forbid I should do anything while she’s doing it, like knit. I keep the litter boxes clean but I got those covered ones to try to keep the stench down since they don’t bury their poop, but at least one of them won’t use them. Every single day there’s poop right in front of it. That’s all I can smell, anywhere in the house, no matter what I do.
The house is filthy and cluttered. The only thing worse than looking at it, than living in it, is trying to fix it. I'd like to decorate for Christmas but I just can't get motivated. It'd all look bad in here anyway. This will be the first Christmas without Mom, and I frankly wish I could just be unconscious until it's over.
I’m so hungry, but everything smells like cat poop and it hurts so bad to eat I wish I could just poke a tube in my stomach. And then the fucking internet wouldn’t work. I unplugged the modem and it worked again, thank God.
I hate these kind of moods. But then who doesn't? Bummer because I just got back from a very nice short vacation. Seems like I always have to pay for a good mood with one of these downers.
I've entered a novella in a SF writing contest, and sent a short story and a poem to a magazine. First attempts at traditional publishing I've done in a long time. I need to get the synopsis done for 1 finished book to try it on a traditional. Then there's the sketch I need to do so the new cover artist can get an idea of one of the characters, since he seems to want to use that one for the cover. The vivid description wasn't enough, I guess, but some people are more visual.
I did eat a piece of peanut-butter toast and a cookie. Guess I'll go see if I can force anything else down.