Oh, my natural-curly sisters and brothers, it is time to band together as the vagaries of fashion have once again swung against us. As it was in the 1960s, the Gods of Beauty have decreed that all American hair must be straight.
I had seen that many celebrities with beautiful natural curls were straightening their hair, and sorrowed. Hollywood forces its women into such a narrow mold. But today I read an article on msn.com by a woman who says she went to a job interview with naturally curly hair, and didn't get the job because the interviewer thought she was too lazy to blow dry it straight. She went on to detail her frightfully expensive beauty-shop procedure - one that will only last until the next time she washes her hair - and how having Straight Hair changed her life. Lies, I tell you, lies.
Once again, my sisters and brothers, we have gone from being the envied to being the pariahs. Those of us who are old enough to remember the Dark Days of torturing our hair and ourselves to fit the straight-haired mold know what is coming. My sisters, you will spend hours and days of your lives trying to maintain a style that is artificial and harmful to your hair. I spent my entire adolescence keeping my hair straight. It was my only hobby, taking up nearly every moment I wasn't in school. Sisters, straightening your hair will steal your life.
Never again, I say to you! We will not let this happen again! Band together, oh curly ones! Resist the evil that once again stalks America. Wear your curls proudly. If anyone gives you grief, tell them straight hair is boring.
NEVER AGAIN WILL WE STRAIGHTEN!